


You Be The Anchor

by Remember_to_write



Category: DCU (Comics)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-06
Updated: 2017-02-14
Packaged: 2018-09-22 08:40:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9597110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Remember_to_write/pseuds/Remember_to_write
Summary: Reader gradually comes to terms with Jason's death. We all have different ways of coping...





	1. All Alone And In The Dark

Y/N rolled over one more time before giving up on attempting to sleep.

She sat up and pushed the hair off her forehead before moving over to her desk. She sat down on the chair and logged onto her computer.

No messages. Not on any social media.

Then again, it was 2:30 am on a weeknight. Most everybody with a normal life, school or a job, was asleep or in the very least about to head off.

She sat in silence for several moments before pulling up the chat window.

She flinched when she saw the picture of his smiling face next to hers. She had forgotten that was his icon.

She stared at the image for several seconds before beginning to type.

“I know you won’t see this, but I needed to let it out. It has been exactly one month since we last spoke and I miss you more than words can express. I miss getting notifications from you. I miss talking about life with you. I miss your brother messaging me that you won’t be on to talk because you got in another stupid fight.” She laughed at the memory before continuing on

“But I also feel stupid. I feel stupid for letting you become such a vital part of my life. Knowing this could never last. Knowing something would happen. Knowing that there was a chance that what happened would happen. I feel stupid for seeing it coming and not separating myself from it. Why’d you have to leave? Why’d you have to leave and take such a huge part of me with you? Why’d you have to leave me with nothing, but memories and a bunch of messages I can never let go?” Y/N paused as she gasped for air. She didn’t know at what point she had started crying, but her fingers and keyboard were wet with her tears.

She let her head rest on the desk a minute as she tried in vain to calm her shaking body and pounding heart.

She wiped her eyes and finished her message. “Jason, it has been exactly one month today since you died. I don’t know if they have chat rooms in heaven or if I am just screaming into the void, but I needed to let you know, someway, somehow, that I am not okay, but I am trying. I know you would want me to live. Grow up, get married, have kids, have that white picket fence life that we dreamed about. And I am trying, but it hurts. It hurts worse than anything I have felt in my entire life, but for you, darling, I’ll live.” Y/N stared at the long message she had just typed. She read every word before holding down backspace until every last character was gone.

“Goodbye, Jason.” She whispered as she logged off.

It was going to be a long night, but they always are when you are alone.


	2. We've Been Sitting Here For Hours

“So how are you doing?” Dick asked as he settled onto the couch. He had come over to eat pizza and watch a couple movies. It was a tradition that Jason had started, at least once every two weeks the three of them would get together and just hang out for a while.

Even now, without Jason, the two of them couldn’t kick the habit so they continued to meet.

“Oh, I’m fine.” Y/N said quickly. “School is a bit rough right now, but-”

“No, how are you really doing? No, sugarcoating it. I am your best friend and you can tell me what you are going through.” Dick said encouragingly.

Y/N sighed and set her plate down on the coffee table. “I miss him like hell. I think about him all of the time and I see him everywhere.” She said quietly. She paused before continuing.

“You know… Sometimes when I get a message, I think for a minute it is him? I mean I know he is dead and gone, but for a moment I just- I hope that somehow he isn’t and that I can talk to him like we used to.” She let out a soft laugh. “How pathetic is that? I get a notification and hope that somehow my dead boyfriend is messaging me?”

Silence reigned for several seconds before Y/N started speaking again.

“Sometimes, I write messages to him. Telling him about my day and what has happened since he…… It is mostly just me telling him that I miss him. I don’t ever send them because it isn’t like anyone would actually read them, but I can’t stop. It is like I can’t talk to anybody else and even though he is dead he is still the only one I want to share everything with. I don’t even know why I am telling you all of this, to be honest. It is just like I cannot take anymore of this pain.” Y/N flinched when she felt Dick’s hand on her face, wiping away her tears.

She was crying.

Again.

“You aren’t pathetic, Y/N. You just miss him and you are trying to deal with that. I wish you would let me in and let me help you. I didn’t love him like you do, but he was my brother. I miss him, too.” Dick paused for a moment. “You can send me those messages if you want. The ones about your day and how you are feeling. I’m not Jay and I won’t pretend to be, but I am your friend and I don’t want you to be alone.”

Y/N nodded and scooted close to him. He wrapped his arms around her and let her cry. They sat there like that until her tears subsided and her breathing even out.

“Thank you. I didn’t realize how much I needed to let all that out until now.” Y/N whispered, her head still on Dick’s chest.

“Anytime.” He answered, gently playing with her hair.

They sat there the rest of the night, talking about memories of Jason and how it felt to be able to share them again. Neither of them was okay, but together they were healing.


	3. Of What You Left In Paragraphs

Y/N honestly didn’t mean to end up like this again.

She was getting better. She was talking to Dick and they were both feeling better, but I guess old habits die hard.

So here she sat at her computer at 2:30 in the morning. She stared at her monitor for several seconds before her fingers began to move.

She logged on and opened up the chat window. The pang in her heart at seeing his icon was a lot less bitter and a lot more sweet this time around.

Maybe time does heal all wounds, but it felt like she could life another three lifetimes and her heart would still skip a beat when she saw his face.

She took a steadying breath before letting her fingers dance across the keyboard. “Jay, I still miss you, but the pain isn’t as bad. I started talking to Dick again and I don’t feel so alone anymore. I still think about you everyday, but it doesn’t hurt to say your name out loud. I know you would be proud of me for the progress I am making, and it makes me happy, but I still wish you were here.” She paused for a moment to collect herself. She was determined to get through this without tears. She had already cried enough for several lifetimes, this time was going to be different.

“This is going to be the last message I write to you and the only message I actually send. I feel like I am giving up on you in a way, but I know that I cannot continue to talk to you when you cannot even listen. I will always love you, but I need to let you go.” She hit send before her fear could get the best of her.

She had a brief feeling of panic when she saw her message went through, but she pushed it down. This was for the best. This was her closure. She read her words one more time. With every word she read, she felt a little bit lighter and a little bit brighter. She looked at his face and for a moment it felt like he was smiling back at her. Like he knew what she had done and was wishing her well. With that soothing thought, she got up and went back to bed and dreamed of a boy with bright blue eyes waving goodbye.

However, had she stayed on a couple more moments, she might have noticed the seen receipt.


	4. Let Me Think Of How To Word This

Jason felt his heart in his throat as he read the words on his screen. 

How could a perfect girl like Y/N still be mourning him a year after his death?

He hadn’t been much to begin with. A street kid who got lucky. He may have been smart, but everything else was Bruce and his money. 

He had been stubborn and temperamental and had only succeeded in getting himself killed. Even his resurrection wasn’t on his own merit, but on the whim of Ra’s Al Ghul.

And yet here you were, still broken up about him a year after his death. He felt awful that you would be sad over him. He hadn’t even deserved to know you, but to have you love him was more than he could have ever dreamed. 

He hesitated before beginning to type. “I am proud of you, doll. I wouldn’t have wanted you to be sad over me in the first place. I was a fucking mess that you somehow managed to see something in. I want you to move on. I want you to fall in love and get married and have kids and do all the things we talked about.” He thought over there dreams and the plans they had made.

He hadn’t even wanted the white picket fence life until he met her. The thought of a boring ass vanilla lifestyle was enough to make him sick, but he would have lived through every ring of suburban hell to make her happy. He looked back at the screen and studied his profile picture for a minute.

They were so happy back then. Carefree and young. That was before everything went wrong, before he ruined everything.

He pushed his thoughts back in favor of finishing his message. “You aren’t giving up on me. You are letting me die. Which is what you should have done months ago. I’m dead and gone, doll. Let me stay that way. It is better that way.”

He hit send and immediately regretted it. 

What the hell was Y/N going to think about getting messages from a dead man? How the hell was she going to cope with that?

Not much he could do now though. Part of him wanted to take the time to find a way to delete the message before she could see it.

But another part of him wanted her to see it. See take it as a sign from the beyond and do what he said. 

He pushed out all thoughts of her out and logged off. Regret was for people who could afford to live in the past and with a past like Jason’s…

All he had was the future and even that wasn’t looking too bright.


	5. This Much You Must Know

“He just sent a message to a Y/N L/N.” Tim called out from his seat in front of the computer. Bruce had him monitoring all of Jason’s old accounts in a desperate attempt to find him.

“What does it say?” Dick asked as he and Bruce came to stand behind him.

Tim scanned the words before speaking. “It seems pretty personal. He is telling her to move on.”

The three stood in silence for several moments.

“Delete it.” Bruce ordered as he walked away.

“What? You can’t do that. She has a right to know that he is alive.” Dick argued as he moved to follow.

“She can’t know about any of this. And how do you suggest we explain that my son who died is now a crime boss? It is for the best if everyone continues to think he is dead.” Bruce said firmly as he got into the batmobile and left the cave.

Dick cursed under his breath and turned back to the computer. “Have you deleted the message yet?” He cursed again when Tim nodded quietly.

Dick sighed heavily and sat down on stairs with his head in his hands.

“So who is Y/N?” Dick lifted his head to look at Tim.

“You don’t know who Y/N is?” He asked quietly. It had never occurred to him that Tim hadn’t met her yet. Tim shook his head and spun the chair to face Dick. “So who is she?”

“She was Jason’s best friend and his only girlfriend. She is also my best friend.” Dick explained quietly.

“I thought Wally was your best friend.” Tim said, slightly confused.

“You can have more than one best friend, Timmy.” Dick said with a small laugh. He thought back to when Jason had first brought Y/N to the manor. They had both been really young, only fourteen, and Dick could already tell they liked each other. He was so glad that his little wing had found someone who made him happy.

He had watched them grow up a bit more and realize they were in love. Those two had been so oblivious. He tried to help, but he only really succeeded in flustering both of them with his teasing.

When they finally did get together though…. It was almost unlike anything Dick had ever seen. They were meant to be, no doubt about it. Jason had found his proverbial soulmate and Dick was so proud.

Dick had been the one to go to Y/N and tell her about Jason. Bruce was going to call her, but Dick wanted to be there for her. He had held her those first couple of hours, both of them crying so hard they almost couldn’t breath. He had been there for her through it all and now….. Now he couldn’t even tell her about Jason.

“Dick?” Tim’s voice brought Dick out of his musings. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, Tim, I was just thinking.” Dick said as he got up.

He didn’t know how all this was going to work out, but he did know that if Y/N needed him, he would be there.


	6. Sunsets In Silhouette Dreams

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the final chapter in this series!!! Thank you all so much for reading. I hope you truly enjoyed it as much as I have.

Everything was blurry. So very very blurry. 

Jason hadn’t expected for there to be that many men. He had taken them all out, but he was hurt pretty badly. 

He did his best to stumble back to his safe house, but things were turning black pretty quickly. He stumbled a few more blocks before everything faded to black and he fell forward into nothingness.

Well nothingness was relative. He really fell onto the doorstep of Y/N’s apartment building. 

In his mindless stumbling, he had managed to get turned around and start making his way back to whatever was familiar and his heart had led him back home.

Y/N was on her way back home from work. It was a dangerous thing, roaming the streets of Gotham at night, but sometimes that couldn’t be helped. 

Usually Dick swung by to walk with her, but he had a “family” thing and couldn’t. Which led to the situation she had just stepped into as she approached her building and found the infamous Red Hood unconscious and bleeding on her doorstep.

She froze. The most dangerous man in all of Gotham was here before her and in need of medical attention. 

She thought about calling the police, but she also thought of the good the Hood was doing for the city. He may be killing people, but the streets were also so much cleaner because of him.

She honestly couldn’t remember helping him into her apartment or patching him up, but here he was on her couch, various bandages wrapped around his body. 

She got up and went to wash her hands. When she came back, he was standing up and looking around curiously. He wandered around the room, looking at pictures and knick knacks that she had gathered.

When he picked up a picture of her and Jason, she spoke up. “That’s Jay.”

He flinched when she spoke, but didn’t turn around. He slowly put the picture back where he found it. “Are you okay? I think I might be able to hunt something up for pain.”

He shook his head and sat back down, wincing at the strain on his wounds.

“Are you sure? You look like you aren’t feeling so well.” Y/N moved forward to investigate his wounds.

He stopped her with an outstretched hand before speaking. “It is less the wounds and more the surroundings.” His voice came out quietly, his voice modulator masking his real tone.

“I cannot help that. After all, this is my home and I let you in here.” Y/N said as she moved to the kitchen. She pulled out a mug. “Do you want some tea?”

He chuckled and shook his head. “I have missed you.” 

She turned to face him. “What do you mean you missed me?”

She couldn’t see it, but his face turned even paler under his hood. “I said that out loud?”

He cursed when she nodded. He tried to think of an excuse, but drew a blank.

He carefully raised his hands and took off his hood. He waited until she turned around and saw him. She gasped and dropped her mug, it shattered and splashed hot tea all over the ground.

He moved to where she stood. “Are you okay? You aren’t hurt are you?” 

He squatted and began to pick up pieces of porcelain. He cleaned up the mess on the floor as Y/N stood frozen, silently watching him. 

“You’re alive.” She breathed.

“Did you not get my message?” He asked as he threw away the broken mug.

“What message?” She asked breathlessly.

“I replied to the one you sent me two weeks ago.” He answered, moving to stand in front of her.

He sighed when she shook her head. “Bruce must have deleted it.”

“You’re alive.” She said, reaching up to cradle his face in her hands.

“You already said that.” He said with a smile.

“It was worth repeating.” She said with a small laugh. “How are you alive?”

He winced and covered her hands with his own. “You don’t want to know.”

“I’ll take your word for it.” She slipped one of her hands out from under his in favor of brushing the hair back from his forehead. “I don’t really care what happened. What matters is your back.”

“I wish it were that easy.” He sighed, pulling away. He walked over to where he had laid his helmet earlier. “Have you forgotten about him?” He said, holding up the helmet for emphasis.

“The love of my life just returned from the dead. I think his new persona as a vigilante slash drug lord is the least of my worries.” Y/N said in a flat tone. “I can handle almost anything at this point.”

“Fair point.” Jason said, tossing the helmet to rest in an armchair. “You know, you are almost too calm about all this, especially considering I never told you about anything before… you know.”

“Oh, I figured that out two weeks before you died.” Y/N said quickly.

“How? Bruce was so careful to makes sure nobody could figure it out.”

“You left the pants to your costume under your bed. I saw them while we were ‘studying’” Y/N smiled and let her fingers form air quotes. They shared a smile and a laugh before Jason drew near once again. This time he was the one to lift his hand and smooth back the hair from her face. 

“I missed you more than I thought possible. I may have been living, but I haven’t felt alive again until now.” He pulled her to his chest and buried his face in her hair. 

“Jason?” Y/N’s voice was small and muffled by his shirt.

“Yeah?” He mimicked her quiet tone.

“You… You aren’t going to disappear again will you?” Jason pulled back to look her in the eyes.

“I’m not going anywhere. I don’t think either of us could survive being apart again.” He teased gently.

Y/N smiled widely and pulled him close. He leaned down and pressed his lips to hers in a passionate kiss. Just like that the pain and years spent alone melted away. They felt young again, like they were sixteen and kissing each other for the first time. 

Who knows how long they would have stood there if-

“OH MY GOD!”

They pulled back quickly, both of them jumping at the sudden intrusion. Dick had opened the door of Y/N’s apartment to find his little brother and best friend kissing. Again.

“OH MY HOLY SHIT!” He squealed. “Okay, okay, okay, I am leaving now. I am not going to tell anyone anything. You two just continue what you were doing. Make sure you use protection. OH MY GOD!” They could hear his excited giggling as he closed the door and ran down the hall.

“Well, that brings up memories that I would have rather not remembered.” Jason sighed, his hands on Y/N’s shoulders. He looked down at her to find her looking up at him with a look of pure adoration. “Don’t give me that look.” He said, his thumbs rubbing soothing circles on the fabric of her shirt.

“What look?” She asked, stepping up to him and wrapping her arms around his waist.

“The one that says you love me. The one that makes me want to start kissing you and not stop until the world ends.” He replied with a smile, brushing the tip of his index finger against the tip of her nose.

She scrunched her nose. “Well, I wouldn’t be opposed to that plan.” She said as she brought her face close to his.

Jason just smiled and kissed her again.


End file.
